His real name is "Arty Mori"

So I went to see "Sherlock Holmes" today because I couldn't pass up the chance to see one of the most iconic characters in literature portrayed by Robert Downey Jr., one of my favorite actors. Also, I'm lonely and have nothing else to do on Christmas.

I'll just come out and say straight away that the experience was underwhelming. It's not a bad movie, by any means, but it wasn't really Sherlock Holmes. Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law play interesting conceptions of Holmes and Watson, respectively. However, this movie is not a mystery; it's an action flick.

Right from the start the movie is more fast-paced and acrobatic than any previous incarnations seen of Sherlock Holmes in movies or books. Holmes has always been a multi-faceted individual, but in this movie he's practically Batman, while Watson plays a very capable Boy Wonder.

I know Holmes is a master of deductive reasoning, but the previous movies, as well as the books, always had some sort of methodical progression. They showed Holmes actually being a detective. In "Sherlock Holmes," everything is solved through a few forensic television show zoom-ins and then explained afterwards in one breath by Holmes. A couple of times Holmes has these flashback montages of previous scenes in the movie. I'm guessing this is the movies' way of showing Holmes "figuring out" the pieces of the mystery.

As I said, it's all an attempt to make the movie more actiony(yes, I'm going with "actiony."), and it works. It's a decent action flick with some colorful characters and the always entertaining Robert Downey Jr.. If you like action movies, you'll probably like it. If you're a ferocious Sherlock Holmes purist, perhaps you won't.


Dammit, "action-oriented," why didn't I say that?

Not all that Glitters is Gold

Hey! Do you guys remember this thing from FFXI?

Yeah, me neither until this reminded me of it. It's the Tidal Talisman; a modestly useful teleportation necklace that took up yet another space in your inventory for the payoff of being able to teleport between major cities every 40 hours.

I didn't buy it either, but if you're one of the few who did, you know that in addition to the lackluster ingame benefits, you also received a real-life version of the item. I guess so you could cosplay as your avatar. Surely, you wouldn't wear such a thing during everyday events, would you..? WOULD YOU?

SE Company President Yoichi Wada has revealed that we'll be seeing much more micro-transaction items in FFXIV than we did in FFXI. He said, “we soon learnt that there are a lot of people who want that kind of model, so we would like to introduce more pay-as-you-use items into the game."

Excuse me? Where was I when this survey was taken? I'm going to have my people call your people, SE; I've never heard any positive remarks about micro-transaction from the FFXI crowd. I know there are people who like collecting the real-life items, and that's cool and stuff, but I hope the items they make available in FFXIV aren't necessities, not while they're making us pay a monthly fee, anyway.

In other and completely related news, the official site has been updated with several interesting features, not the least of which being Beta signups for PC. I'll be waiting for the PS3 Beta, myself, but if you're computer has the digital balls to run FFXIV, go for it.

The backstory has also been fleshed out:

And then... war were declared... What? They take card games seriously in Japan. That Galka, I mean Roegadyn, lost his Bahamut Zero card in that duel. I'd be pissed, too.

Well, there is a war. During a huge battle, the adventurers(you, me, and everyone we know) come in contact with the "Echo"(the plot), which gives them the power to relive their past experiences. The "Echo" is the major story of FFXIV which will over-arch the many other sub-plots and side-stories in the game. I know it sounds kind of lame when I say it, but check out the site. They say it in that cool Lord of the Rings prose that makes everything sound like an adventure. "Go forth and wash thy car" and all that.

It's News to me

I'm not sure how I'm only hearing about this now, but it's news to me. Electronic Gaming Monthly Magazine is making a comeback. Evidently, this announcement was made back in May. So how did I only hear about it two days ago at The Escapist?

I did a little digging and found that there really isn't much information on this topic... Why the hell not? This is EGM; people were DEVASTATED when publication stopped last January, myself included. Now they're coming back? This is HUGE. EGM was a monolith of iconography in video game magazines. People should be throwing fliers out of airplanes about this.

Well, I'll be buying forty subscriptions once the magazine becomes available again. Now let's talk about a game called Kenka Bancho: Badass Rumble. If you own a PSP, you need this game. Hurry up, because it's another Atlus title. As I mentioned once before, Atlus games disappear fast. This isn't the kind of game to which you say, "I'll pick it up in six months when the price goes down." Bad idea. Atlus games typically go up in value because they're only made in limited quantity. Chances are you'll be paying more if you wait.

Kenka Bancho is a tongue-in-cheek, beat-em-up game with a straight-forward plot and addictive gameplay that's deeper than it appears. Few portable games satisfy the criteria of being both engaging and easy to put down once the eight hour car ride, wedding toast, or eulogy ends.

You play a local highschool badass on a class trip to Kyouto. It just so happens forty-seven other badasses from forty-seven other school districts are on the same class trip. You have seven days to... well, do pretty much whatever the hell you want. On my first playthrough, I thought the objective was to simply track down and beat up the other banchos, but that's just one thing you can do. There are different events to unlock, secrets to find, even romances to pursue(if you're a pansy). Plus, there's "Night Out," a co-op mode where you can do special missions with your bancho buddies.

Kenka Bancho doesn't exactly break new ground. The game is pretty simplistic, sometimes too much so. I mean, it's a beat-em-up; it shouldn't be complicated, but I wish combat wasn't so monotonous at times. If you're looking to beat every bancho, you need to collect itinerary. You do that by beating up other tough guys... A LOT. Busting skulls is fun, but if you're looking for someone's specific itinerary and you keep getting the same one, it can get stale. As you level up you learn new fighting moves, most of which are only marginally better than others. It seems the purpose of changing your fighting style is mostly cosmetic, which is a bit gimmicky.

The one truly irritating part of this game is the travel system. You can walk, take the train, catch a bus, or call yourself a taxi("I'm a taxi!" That's one of the game's jokes not mine.), all of which will bring you to different destinations. For whatever reason, the only way you can view the map of Kyouto, and thus figure out where to go and which form of transportation you should use, is to actually board a bus, train, or taxi. Now there are several aspects of this game that are kept "secret," but they're nothing that's going to hinder your progress. There is no right or wrong way to play this game, and finding out all of the possibilities is part of the fun. However, "map" is not something that should be kept mysterious. Time is precious in this game, and wasting it trying to physically find a place to view a map is just needless frustration. So I, personally, wound up drawing my own. Yeah, I'm that badass.

Kenka Bancho is a paradox. It's simple, yet complex; parody, but sincere, and at times it's just downright strange. It's a game made by tough guys, for tough guys. Check it out.