Piracy is Bad; Defacing Cinema Classics is Worse

I'm sure most people have already seen this, but here we go:





I'm pretty sure this disgrace is at least two years old, but I saw it only for the first time just last night. I had finally picked up "The Dark Knight" and was preparing to enjoy the movie everyone has been raving about for so long. Lucky me, I got a double feature: The Dark Knight and the annihilation of Casablanca.

Piracy and copyright warnings piss me off enough for the sole reason that they treat everyone like a criminal. I'm not condoning or condemning piracy, because that's really not the point. It's insulting enough that, because everyone is a potential criminal, Big Brother has security cameras in every store and piracy warnings in every movie(I'm not even going to go into how insane it is to think that one of these absurd piracy warnings is going to deter someone from pirating DVDs.), but they took it a step further and taint one of the most beautiful movies ever made.

I know I said I wasn't going to condone or condemn piracy, but Casablanca is such an amazing movie, I sure hope there are people pirating it and giving it to their friends. Hell, even if you're selling it, I'm still okay with that as long as you're not overcharging for it. In that case, you're a dick.

I'd much rather there be accessible, pirated copies of Casablanca floating around for everyone to enjoy than see one of the greatest movies ever, and probably the best romance ever, reduced to nothing but one of many shameless illusions we perpetuate in attempt to correct society. This may seem overblown, but I don't think I'll ever be able to watch that scene of Casablanca the same way again. Thank you for making me hate one of my favorite movies, Warner Bros..

At least Dark Knight wound up being good.

FFXIV VS. WoW: Clash of the Titans

There are tons of new FFXIV videos showcasing graphics, combat, and quests. I guess no one is taking the NDA too seriously.

I was planning on trying Cataclysm while I waited for FFXIV(seeing as I'm just a lowly PS3 player), but the more I learn about FFXIV, the more apathetic I get about Cataclysm. Maybe it's because I've always felt more connected to Final Fantasy lore than Warcraft lore. Maybe it's because Blizzard withholds so much information about their products that it's hard to get excited about something I know so little about. Then again, maybe it's because DC Universe Online is being released on November 2, and I'm thinking of making that my new "waiting for FFXIV MMORPG." Seriously, I think there's even less known about DC Universe Online than Cataclysm, but SOE still managed to give a release date. Throw me a bone, Blizzard.

More likely, it's because I'm just so sick of the WoW phenomenon. I'm sick of it being everywhere; I'm sick of how everyone flocks to it like sheep; I'm sick of Mr. T. WoW has made me hate Mr. T. That's an unholy sin.

I have nothing against the game itself. The community is a cesspool of human excrement, but the game itself is uncomplicated, addictive fun accompanied by a decent narrative. Yes, it's very streamlined. What isn't these days? Even FFXIV is getting this treatment. The difference is that FFXIV looks like it will keep that feeling of grand adventure thanks to it pushing the graphics envelop and naturally coaxing the community to pull together to overcome obstacles with its more cooperative gameplay rather than pitting everyone against each other over Chuck Norris jokes(Again, not WoW's fault, the community's).

And now, the real reason I put "Clash of the Titans" in the title of this post: to tear down the bull shit movie of the same name that claims to be a remake of the 1981 classic.

Besides this movie not being able to hold a candle to the old "Clash of the Titans," it barely has any legs to stand on as its own movie, let alone defend itself for all its discrepancies.

The acting is flat and the characters themselves are completely uninteresting. They are introduced in a way that makes them seem like they'll be significant and are either killed off ten minutes later or left hanging with no development. This eventually leads to one of the most trite Hollywood love plots ever seen in a movie.

The editing is an absolute nightmare, making violent cuts that constantly throw the characters in a new location. It doesn't even feel like the characters are traveling.

Evidently, parts of this movie were filmed in Wales and Spain. For what purpose? There's hardly any scenery in this movie; the characters just “teleport” to a new location. Cut, scene change, boom, we're there. The few nice images are computer generated. This movie could have been shot in a closet that had a green screen.

Honestly, I could have forgiven the bland characters and story and all the changes they made to them. I went into this movie just expecting to have some fun with crazy fight scenes and adventure that take advantage of good CGI, and it doesn't even do that.

All I wanted was a basic summer-action flick, but the fight scenes are few and aren't even impressive compared to what I was expecting. This movie is nothing but a clip show of scenes from the original "Clash of the Titans" replaced with bad actors, CGI, and a forced, anti-climatic ending. Aside from the Kraken, the only impressive thing in the movie, everything is a soulless copy of its former self.

You Can't Do That On TV

While brushing up on the latest news at ZAM I found this.

It's part of the ESRB's rating description for FFXIV. The rest can be found here.

Evidently, FFXIV will have bleeding monsters(in cut-scenes), strong language(H-E-double toothpicks), suggestive themes(that's what she said), and, ESRB's words not mine, "Some female characters are depicted from low camera angles, with lingering camera views of their buttocks (i.e., up-skirt shots)."

Buttocks!? You can't use that word on the internet! You should know better, ESRB.

Anyway, I'm more interested in the "suggestive references" the ESRB quoted from the game: The netmaster's probably up in his office polishing the mast just thinking about her, stick yer manhood in the forge, and you cheating little whore! Some people are calling this "edgy." I don't know about that. It just reminds me of the playfulness Final Fantasy used to have before every game was about some brooding, zazzed-up she-male who just needs to be loved, or get his memory back, or learn why he exists, blah, blah, blah.

I miss the days of the porno mag and developer's room of FFIV and Galuf's comically failing memory and the characters finding out Farris was a girl in FFV. I hope FFXIV gives us more of those kinds of moments.