Monday, September 28, 2009

Merry Christmas; Jesus Hates You





There hasn't been much to report, but now we've got a new trailer for FFXIV. It's pretty and all but doesn't explain the details we'd all like to know. However, there's a lot of new info at Eorzeapedia that was compiled from an interview GAME Watch conducted with Hiromichi Tanaka and Nobuaki Komoto.


A minor detail that, personally, struck me was that every starting nation will have it's own prologue. The ship arriving in the trailer above is the prologue for characters who start in Limsa Lominsa. It's a nice extra touch considering how unceramoniously you arrived in Vana'diel no matter what nation you picked.

The above commentary would have made a bit more sense about three months ago. It was part of an entry I meant to post way back when the above trailer was first released. For whatever reason, I saved part of it and just never came back to finish it.

Luckily, everything I said is still true. There hasn't been much to report. It's the reason I've been neglecting to update this thing. I got tired of making sarcastic comments to myself about the miniscule news leaks we've been getting from SE... I'm just kidding; I never get tired of being a sarcastic jerk. I've just been playing a lot of video games and haven't really felt like doing much else. Plus, it's the holidays, and I get especially depressed and cynical around the holidays. Partially, it's because I have to run the gauntlet of visiting relatives, but also it's because this time of year gets me thinking about the true meaning of some of these holidays we celebrate in our culture.

If kindergarten taught me anything, it's that Christopher Columbus discovered the earth. Or he invented America. Or maybe it was gravity. Well, in addition to those great accomplishments, he also failed to find a new trade route to India and initiated what would become the genocide of an entire race. That's why every year, on the second Monday in October, we observe this man for giving us an excuse to take off work.

Speaking of reasons why I drink--I mean, October, Halloween is another popular holiday(and a reason I drink). Originally, Halloween was a day of religious cults slaughtering livestock to appease the evil spewed forth from the underworld. In other words, it was pretty cool. Nowadays it means that one night a year, I am expected to buy several townships worth of candy and distribute it to every person who comes to my door wearing a headband with cat ears on it. If I do not oblige these “Trick-or-Treaters(cat people),” by fulfilling my end of this socially accepted norm, they are required, by law, to egg my house. I must then reciprocate by slaughtering a small dog to appease them. They're usually so appeased, they run screaming all the way back to their homes(in the underworld).

After Halloween, it's time to start shopping for a Christmas tree but not presents, because Thanksgiving is coming up, and there's still a whole month until Christmas. It's customary to wait until the night before to go shopping, despite the fact we begin preparing for it at the end of August.

Anyway, Thanksgiving is the commemoration of when the pilgrims invaded the Indian's house, ate all of their food, went through their medecine cabinet, and later killed them. I guess that's basically what we do today, minus the Indians since they're all dead. I guess some holidays retain their original traditions.

Of course, Christmas is not one of those holidays. By some cruel joke of the universe, Christmas embodies all things anti-Christian and is simultaneously regarded as the holiest day of the year next to the super bowl. In reality, Christmas is an amalgamation of traditions steeped in pagan rituals, false gods, and materialism(like the superbowl). You'd actually be hard pressed to find a heathen celebration or blasphemous element to which Christmas isn't connected. Watch. The origin of Christmas to Kevin Bacon in six steps. Go!

Early Roman winter festivals were celebrated with the [1] worship of sun gods, gift giving, and decorating with lights and Yule logs. [2] Yule logs were burned by Scandinavians and vikings to honor Thor, the god of thunder. “Yule” is synonymous with “Christmas,” which is a contraction of “Christ's Mass.” [3] Christ's birthday was decided to be, without any evidence historical, biblical, or otherwise, on December 25. December 25 marks the beginning of what would become “the twelve days of Christmas,” [4] a time of celebrating with lewd and sinful activities. This was especially popular in the middle ages along with the incorporation of ivy and evergreen trees, which were used in winter solstice celebrations for [5] tree worship. The Christmas tree is a mandatory part of the modern Christmas celebration, as is Santa Claus. The myth of Santa Claus encourages the accumulation of material wealth as well as promotes [6] greed, one of the 7 sins. “7” is a number in the title of the upcoming movie “The Magic 7” which will feature [7] Kevin Bacon as himself. Darn, so close.

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